NSA Pick Up Lines – Government Approved

You’ve got to love the NSA. Working their butts off around the clock to protect you from all the evil in the world.

So you can sleep in comfort every night without any worries and feeling totally safe. But you don’t have to sleep alone. With these government approved National Security Agency (NSA) pick up lines you’ll have magic powers to pick up any one you desire. You’ll be the “know-it-all” stalker that everyone wants to make out with. Life is gonna be good.

You must be the Constitution, because I want to violate you

You look way prettier in person than through your webcam



  • Hey baby, I know what you did last summer
  • I heard you like teddy bears. You can give me a cuddle
  • Hey baby, your buns are on fire, you’ve left your oven on
  • Being broke sucks. Let me buy you a drink
  • No point resisting, I’ve already got privileged backdoor access to you
  • Hey, can I have your number? Just kidding. Already got it
  • I’m so honored to meet you. I’m kind of a big fan, I’ve read all of your e-mails
  • I’m a great listener

  • I’d never cheat on you like your boyfriend does with your BFF
  • Hey baby, I’d do anything to get with you… like lowering your ex’s credit score, wire tapping your boss and taking you off the no fly list
  • I bet I can guess your weight, birth sign, mother’s maiden name, SSN and your car’s VIN
  • Whoa… you look way sexier than indicated in your metadata
  • I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but you’ve got malware on your laptop and some creep from Idaho is jerking off to you through your webcam
  • I’ve got a tap on you, now I just need that ass
  • My love for you is unconstitutional
  • Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ve been watching you for a looooong time
  • I feel like I’ve known you forever, or at least since the Bush administration
  • I flagged you at first sight

The NSA, also infamously known as the National Security Agency is the american governmental institution that enjoys to spy on you.

As Edward Snowden has revealed, they probably know more about you than you do yourself. Can come in handy if you have a real bad memory or Alzheimers.
– What specific erotic websites did you visit last month?
– What was the contents of the many DTF drunk texts you sent between 2-6 am last Saturday?
– How many times have you visited the Facebook profile you got the love bug for?

Yeah, you might have forgotten but the NSA sure hasn’t and it will remember for all eternity.

Bonus: Congrats… you also have a sex tape courtesy of the NSA starring you and your last conquest. The NSA covertly filmed it without your consent, through your laptop webcam and your smartphone.